Holidays are Bittersweet When You’re Trying to Conceive

The holiday season has always been one of my favorite times of the year. I love everything about it; the twinkling lights, the cozy décor, the corny movies, but especially the time I spend with my family. But the past two years, it’s also bought with it a sadness I never expected. Because for the past two years, Scott and have been trying to start a family. And when you’re trying to conceive, the holidays can be bittersweet.

Hope For The Future…Mostly

On one hand, I dream of one day sharing my family’s traditions with our little one. And I think of the new traditions we’ll start as a family. I can’t wait to experience my favorite time of the year as a mother and to see my child experience the magic of Christmas. I think about what it’ll be like to teach them the joy of giving to others. Or see their eyes light up when they see the lights on a Christmas tree. Or watch my favorite Christmas movies with them and tell them about my favorite holiday memories.

On the other hand, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll ever have those experiences. Two years into this journey, and I think about how I should have had a baby by now. I should be experiencing my baby’s first Christmas and building new traditions as a family of three. Instead, I’m still wondering when it will finally be my turn or it ever will be.

Our TTC Journey Update

I haven’t shared much about our journey since my original post about our journey with unexplained infertility. In October, I had a laparoscopic procedure for what my doctor suspected was endometriosis. The good news was that I did not have endometriosis, just a blocked tube and a cyst that were removed. The bad news was that we still had no explanation for why we have been unable to conceive. It’s not knowing why that makes this journey so frustrating. There’s nothing to treat, no clear steps to take that could fix it, no changes our doctor can prescribe, just the hope that maybe next month it’ll happen. And, of course, the fear that the only path for us may be a very expensive and very invasive one.

At this point, I don’t know where our journey will take us. I won’t be able to meet with my reproductive endocrinologist until the end of the year to discuss the next steps.

And the waiting sucks.

I won’t lie, I had high hopes that I could possibly be pregnant by Christmas. I’m not usually one to pray for a lot, but I prayed for a little Christmas miracle this year. Unfortunately, it looks like that won’t be in the cards for us. So, we keep hoping and keep waiting.

How to Make The Holidays a Little Easier

This time of year also comes with other difficulties for those that are trying to conceive. Major holidays seem to be a popular time for people to announce what they’re expecting on social media. And family gatherings can be a landmine of unintentional, but hurtful, questions.

To anyone who may feel the need to ask their childless (or not) family member or friend when they plan to have children or if they plan to have children…don’t. That person could be having trouble conceiving, looking into fertility treatments, or recovering from a miscarriage. And you’re question, however innocent you may intend it, could leave that person crying themselves to sleep that night.

If you know a friend or family member is struggling to conceive, be kind and be gentle. And be there if they choose to talk about it.

For the millions of women that are also on this journey and might be struggling a little more than usual during the holidays, I hope for a Christmas miracle for you and that the new year brings a new beginning.

If you’re trying to conceive and having to consider IVF treatment, there are grants you can apply for that could help. Here are a few organizations to research: Babyquest, Gift of Parenthood, and The Hope for Fertility Foundation.