Battle of the Spouses: Friendly Competition to Build a Better Marriage

No, we’re not fighting (yet), it’s just March Madness.

Every year, we participate in a bracket challenge, place some ridiculous bet on the outcome, and spend three weeks heckling each other non-stop.

Is this normal couple behavior? I don’t know, but I know it works for us.

Even when we’re hanging out with friends and start up a game of cornhole or pool, we always play against each other. Fun fact: The night before our wedding, we set up cornhole boards in the parking lot of our hotel and had a “parking lot party”. And yes, even the night before we vowed to spend the rest of our lives together, we played on opposite teams.

Competing against your spouse probably isn’t for everyone but let me explain why it works for our marriage.

It Gives Us an Outlet

Take a moment and think about when you and your partner fight and argue.

And then think about what outside factors contribute to those arguments.

Is there a situation at work causing more stress than usual? Or maybe you or a family member are dealing with health issues. Whatever it is, chances are when you’re feeling overwhelmed and frustrated by situations outside your relationship, you end up taking it on your spouse.

It’s not intentional, but it happens. And, personally, I know I’m guilty of this. A large part of my job involves customer service. Which means that no matter how frustrating situations can be at work, I have to keep smiling and bottle it up. Then I come home and find an overflowing trash can or a sink full of dishes and it just adds to the stress I’ve been suppressing. Eventually, all that frustration bubbles up and I end up taking it out on Scott.

Healthy competition provides an outlet for that stress. I could get mad at Scott for forgetting to do the dishes, or I could kick his butt in a game of poker…guess which option is more fun?

Take this month for instance. I’m busy trying to get the house organized and packed up for the moved and trying to finish up a long list of tasks at work before I turn my responsibilities over to my replacement while still trying to find time to blog.

Hello, stress, it’s not nice to see you.

Scott and I could be arguing about what items we should be getting rid of (because Scott is a pack rat and gets rid of nothing) or when we should schedule movers. Instead, we’re too busy arguing about who’s bracket is about to get busted (Scott’s is, duh).

It’s How We Get Things Done

Scott still has some college boy tendencies when it comes to housekeeping. And while I’m a little OCD when it comes to some things, I’m not exactly Martha Stewart.

Sometimes when something really needs to be done but neither of us wants to do it, we turn it into a bet.

In the past, we’ve made bets on who has to mow the lawn, whose turn it is to bathe the dogs, and who cleans out the garage.

By making it a competition, we can add a little bit of fun to boring, mundane tasks.

This is actually something I started way, way before I met Scott. Turning household chores into bets was actually something my sister and I did as kids. (What? You thought my competitive spirit was something I was born with? Nope, it’s a family thing).

One of our favorite games was five-card draw…but instead of chips or coins, we bet on clothes that had to be folded.

Chores don’t always have to be boring.

I imagine when Scott and have kids one day, we’re going to be changing a lot of dirty diapers based on the outcome of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

It’s a Bonding Activity

It’s really easy these days to get wrapped up in our own thing.

Scott and I both have jobs that involve long hours and crazy schedules.

Outside of work, we each have our own interests. I have the blog, Scott has his card collection. I love to read, Scott’s obsessed with YouTube videos.

We can both be in the same room but not necessarily be spending time together.

But that changes when we get involved in a competition.

It’s something we do to spend time together.

Sometimes it’s sitting at home playing cards, sometimes it’s grabbing a few drinks and playing a few rounds of pool at the pub, and sometimes it’s heading to the park for some disc golf.

Whatever competition we’re participating in, it’s our time to be together doing something we enjoy (And yes, we include making fun of each other for losing an enjoyable activity).

It’s Fun!

When I say Scott and have been competitive since day one, I mean we’ve literally been doing this since day one.

Specifically, we started this on our first date when Scott took me bowling (You can check out the story of how we met here). Our first kiss was the result of a bet we placed on one of those games (If you’re wondering, Scott won the bet).

Some of our best dates have been sitting in our living room with a few beers and a deck of cards.

Even when we’re not together, we still find ways to challenge each other (We used to be pretty obsessed with playing Words with Friends). Challenging each other to our silly little competitions is part of what makes us, us.

I can’t sit here and tell you that this works for us because we’re both such good sports…because we’re not. We can actually be pretty sore losers and even worse winners. Case in point, Scott used to absolutely refuse to play poker with me because I beat him too many times. And I used to refuse to play ladder toss for the same reason.

However, while we can both be a little ridiculous when it comes to winning or losing, neither of us takes it too seriously. Teasing each other is all part of the fun.

And things are about to get a lot more fun with our upcoming move (you can read about why we’re moving again here). The house we’re moving into next month has an awesome backyard which is perfect for the dogs.

It also means we can pull the cornhole boards out of storage.

Hopefully, the new neighbors won’t think we’re too crazy.